the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
