I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
