Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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