so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
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Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
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I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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