my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
