I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
