Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
