If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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