I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize