when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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