were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
