you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
