Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Randomize
