Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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