i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
