im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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