Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
