Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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