im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
