Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
