she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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