if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
