The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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