well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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