Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
