I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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