I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Randomize
