Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
