you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
