i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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