i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I need to stop coming to work sober
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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