Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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