I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
