Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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