thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
