Its about making memories worth repressing
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
