You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
