Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
