so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
