A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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