You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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