i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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