Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
