Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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