Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
