Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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