this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
