My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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