sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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