did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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