I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
