I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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