Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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