And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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