Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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