I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Girls should come with a carfax report
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
