i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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