Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often