Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
