JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
