that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
