I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
