i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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