Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
