My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Its about making memories worth repressing
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize